The problems I have with anxiety stop me making the progress I’d like to make with this. In fact due to the problems I’ve just spent six or seven months where I’ve hardly tpouched a puppet.
I don’t have an issue with believing I can do ventriloquism to a reasonable standard if i put the effort in
I don’t have a too big of a problem standing on a stage and performing
Where I would have a problem would be the venue it’s self…yes I can drive so I can get there. It’s at that point my brain starts to put barriers in the way, like “What if you’ve got the wrong day and it’s not open when you get there”, “What if you can’t find it”, “What if there’s no parking on site where will you park”, “What if there’s more than one door, which one do ypou go to”, “What if you find the right door and there’s other doors inside, which way do you go”
In 2014 I went to Ventarama, if my wife hadn’t come with me I couldn’t have managed it on my own.
In 2015 my wife had to work, so I missed it
In 2016 my mind thought the situation was more managable as it was in a small club in a small town rather than large city so i went alone
In 2017 it got moved back to the Birminham area and I “needed” my wife otherwise i couldn’t have gone
In 2018 my wife is coming again
So only one out of 5 years have i managed to make it on my own.
What of I get bookings, i can’t let 4 out of every 5 clients down…and that’s the reason I’ve not done it for several months
I’m still not sure what I can do about it but at the same time I’m missing working with my puppets, but when i do work with them I’m thinking “what’s the point”. I seem to be in a no win situation with no end in site.
You are NOT alone.
Two years ago I came home from a VERY busy holiday season. I was tired and wanted to rest. I used the excuse I wanted to spend time at home because I was gone so much. (Sounded logical)
I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I didn’t mail out my start of year promo materials. I sat on the couch and binge watched Netflix. When the wife wanted to go out, I told her to go, I stayed home and never moved from the TV.
In late January I realized I had stopped returning calls. I didn’t want to talk to anyone on the phone. That is very unlike me, but I didn’t care. I became anxious when I had to leave the house. I cursed traffic. I was uncomfortable.
By mid-February I knew I had some kind of problem – lack of work being one of them.
I went to the Doctor and we discussed my lack of energy. Turns out, it was depression.
They put me on meds and I went to a therapist. A lot came out of those sessions. The meds help a lot (I don’t feel drugged or anything, just better and more at ease) – although I still go through bouts of it.
I’m guessing you’ve seen a doctor?
If not I recommend it right away. It sounds obvious there is a problem and you recognize it. It will be up to you to consult with someone to determine how you can get this under control.
And realize it is not you – it is an illness.
You can do all of this stuff – you just need some help to get started. I’m in your corner and praying for you.
If you need to talk, I’m here – just email me.
Yeah I’ve seen doctors, councellors and shrinks, etc, but I’m now thinking it’s something in my DNA that will always be with me. It’s not something that has appeared it’s always been there for as long as I remember in some form or another, back as far as when my age was in single figures.
The offer still stands if you ever need an ear. I’m pulling for you buddy!
At the very least Paul, take up Tom’s offer. It’s sounds like he’s been through what you are dealing with now. I’m no doctor but if you just need someone to talk to, I’d love to help. I talk to people in the UK using apps and even Facetime. Let me know.
Thanks to you both for the offer of an ear, but it is a hurdle I have to face on my own somehow, but thanks anyway it’s very much appreciated
The offer stands anytime Paul.
I second what Tom said. This is something for doctors and meds. A behavioral therapist is also helpful in breaking down the hard thing into its constituent parts so you can visualize successfully doing them.
As someone who has managed to show up for something on the wrong day twice in my life it is indeed as embarrassing as it gets but it won’t kill you. I decided to deal with those things by making a plan for if it happens again. Saved up a bit of funds so next time I will just take myself out to eat or pickup takeout from someplace awesome to kick back comfy and enjoy at home.
If you make a happy plan for when the embarrassing event happens then the prospect is less horrible.
i actually put good food places in my phone so I don’t need to look them up.
Anxiety can be dulled by Medicine but making a nice cozy plan for what to do when it happens helps.
rooting for you too!
I don’t want to sound too negative, but I’ve done the doctors, therapists and meds, different doctors, different meds and different meds and they didn’t work for me. The meds actually had no positive effect at all, just put me on edge all the time, opposite to what they should do.
I likethe idea of making a “happy plan” but I would have the same problem going to a hotel or to somewhere for food, it’s another new place i have to deal with.
I know I’ve failed for the past 4 decades plus, but i will conquer it one day 😉
It sounds very frustrating. Unfortunately I don’t have any ideas to suggest other than keep trying different things. As to your puppets and ventriloquism, maybe just having conversations with them without a script and just let you and the puppet improvise a scene, talk about the weather or news, etc.
I’ll keep you in my prayers that you find a breakthrough and get it conquered. Take care.
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